The Treehouse Song Book

(Upbeat guitar and piano music plays)

Coles Little Treehouse presents The Treehouse Song Book. (Wind blowing, door opens)

Written by Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton and read by Stig Weams.

(Upbeat music continues)

Hi, I'm Andy. I live in a treehouse with my friend Terry and we make books together. I write the words and he draws the pictures.

Hi, I'm Terry. I live in a treehouse with my friend Andy and we make books together. I draw the pictures and he writes the words.

Hi, I'm Jill. I live in a house full of animals in the forest, near my friends, Andy and Terry. I like animals and solving problems and doing puzzles.

And I'm Silky. I'm a catnary (meow) and I can fly! I'm Jill's favourite pet.

(Upbeat music ends)

If you're like most of our listeners, you're probably wondering if we like poems and songs. Well, the answer is yes. We love them! Here are a few of our favourites. Feel free to sing along.

Contents. (Ta-da trumpets) The Everything-There-is-to-Know-About-Everything Song by Jill, If Only by Terry, Human Soup by a bunch of angry vegetables, Oh My Big Nose-io by Mr. Big Nose, The Pens and Pencils and Writing Utensils Song by Pinchy McPhee.

One time, Terry and I had our brains drained by the brain-draining fortune teller, Madam Know-It-All. It's a long story and we forgot all the stuff we once knew. So Jill sang us this song to help us put all the information back into our heads.

‘The Everything There-is-to-Know-About-Everything Song’ by Jill.

? Roses are red and violets are blue. Grass is green, cows go moo.

Birds are chirpy, burps are burpy. Fish are fishy, slugs are squishy. The sky is up, the ground is down. Clouds are white and dirt is brown.

Water is wet and so is sweat. You fly in a jet and catch fish in a net. Fire is hot, ice is not. Penguins waddle and horses trot.

A square has four sides, a triangle three. A circle has one, it's as round as can be. Sticks are thin, logs are thick, dogs can bite and run quite quick.

Mice are small, giraffes are tall. Worms are wiggly, squiggles are squiggly. Bikes are for riding, slides are for sliding. Caves are for hiding, stick and dots for dividing.

Hands are for waving, feet are for walking. Mouths are for eating and also for talking. Eyes are for seeing, and blinking, and winking. Ears are for hearing and brains are for thinking.

You can live in a cottage, a hutch or a nest. An igloo is cool, but a treehouse is best. A hat is a thing you wear on your head, and rat is a thing you don't want in your bed.

Tops are for spinning and knobs are for turning. Songs are for singing and sometimes for learning. Some songs are short, but this one's quite long because it's the Everything-There-is-to-Know-About-Everything Song! ?

‘If Only’ by Terry. This is my favourite song ever because it's about all the mistakes Terry has made by not listening to me.

Oh, what was that you said, Andy? I wasn't listening.

Never mind. Just start singing.

? If only I'd listened to Andy, I would never have done anything wrong. If only I'd listened to Andy, I wouldn't be singing this song.

But I didn't listen to Andy and now he is groaning in pain. Oh, why am I always so foolish again, and again, and again?

Like the time I married a mermaid who was actually a monster from the sea and she practically ended up eating both my good friend Andy and me.

And the time I used the sharks in the shark tank to wash my underpants. And the time I left open the ant farm gate and let out all of the ants.

If only I'd listened to Andy, I wouldn't have invented a machine to write and draw our books for us that turned out to be really mean.

And I didn't listen to Andy when he warned me about spying cows. And then the ridiculous mooo-vie was much more successful than ours.

If only I'd listened to Andy when we were using our machine to make money. I wouldn't have bumped the switch and flooded the treehouse with honey.

And I would never have invented a toothpaste that was 99% candy. I'm so sorry for all the mistakes I have made. Oh, I feel so bad for poor Andy. ?

This is a really mean song that a bunch of angry vegetables sang when they were cooking us in a big pot.

‘Human Soup’ by a bunch of angry vegetables. (Pot of water bubbling)

? We've got you in a pot. It's starting to get hot. Do you like it in our pot? No, we bet that you do not.

We know just how you feel. You don't want to be a meal. You don't want your skin to peel. You don't want to scream and squeal! (Bubbling)

But that's bad luck for you because there's nothing you can do. You will steam and sweat and stew. You will weep and cry boo-hoo! (Bubbling)

You will soften, wilt, and droop. You will slowly turn to goop. And then before you know it, you will all be human soup! ? (Bubbling)

Luckily the famous vegetable fighter Vegetable Patty came to our rescue so we didn't become human soup. Thanks, VP.

Never fear. Vegetable Patty is here!

‘Oh My Big Nose-io’ by Mr. Big Nose.

This is one of Mr. Big Nose's favourite songs from the opera Il Bignosio d’ Explodio. It's about a man whose nose explodes.

? Oh, my big nose-io! The crossier I get-io, the bigger it grows-io. Then it boom, crash, explodes-io! ?

What'd you think of that, Terry?

Oh, I thought it was il magnifico de stupendio!

‘The Pens and Pencils and Writing Utensils Song’ by Pinchy McPhee. Pinchy McFee runs the Two-Dollar Shop in our treehouse. Pinchy also loves to sing. We asked for a pencil called the Joke Writer 2000, trademark. Pinchy answered in a song.

? I have pens and pencils and writing utensils of all sorts right here in my store. I have dip pens, and gel pens, and ballpoints, and biros, and textas, and markers galore.

I have a pen you can use as lipstick and a pen that can write underwater. And a pen for writing excuses in case you haven't done something you oughta. I have a pen that can write upside down like the astronauts took into space, and a pen you can use to write notes on your hand, or if you prefer, on your face.

And here is a pen, my pen-loving friends, that comes with a little night-light. You can write in the night for as long as you like because the little night-light is quite bright. And here is a pen with a fan on the end. You can use it to write when it's hot. And it also comes with a heater attached so you can write whether it's hot or not.

I have a pen that writes with invisible ink that's particularly good for spies, and a pen that always tells the truth, and one that will only write lies. I have a pen that changes into a car, and one that turns into a jet, and a pen with fur, and ears, and a tail, it's the next best thing to a pet!

So as you can see, I have all you could need and no pen is priced over two dollars. I have bargains galore in my two-dollar store for authors, illustrators, and scholars.

The end. ?

Thanks for listening. See you in the Treehouse!

(Door shuts closed, wind blows)

 

Not included in Video file from here down ?

(Upbeat guitar and piano music plays)

Joke time! (Crowd cheering)

What makes music on your head?

A head band. (Laughter)

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?

A mooo-sician. (Laughter)

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?

Banana-nanaaa. (Laughter)

(Upbeat music ends)

Coles Little Treehouse presents The Tree House Song Book written by Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton and read by Stig Weams.

Listen to all 24 at coles.com.au

Published by Macmillan Australia Audio, an imprint of Pan Macmillan Australia, a division of Pan Macmillan Publishers International Limited.

Text copyright Andy Griffiths, 2020. Recording copyright – Macmillan Australia Audio, 2020.

The moral right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted. Recorded at Bay Studio, South Melbourne.

 

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