[Tree rustling noise]
[Wind blowing, door opens]
This is the Coles Little Treehouse book.
And this one is called Bill the Postman and the Birthday Card Bandits.
You’re ready? It’ll be really fun!"
Hi, I'm Andy. I live in a treehouse with my friend Terry, and we make books together. I write the words, and he draws the pictures."
"Hi, I'm Terry. I live in a treehouse with my friend Andy, and we make books together. I draw all the pictures, and he writes the words."
"Hi, I'm Jill. I live in a house full of animals in the forest near my friends Andy and Terry. I like animals and solving problems and doing puzzles."
"I'm Silky. I'm a Catanary, and I can fly. I’m Catanary. What’s a Catanary? And I can fly. “And I'm Jill's favourite pet”. Teaching me something every day.
If you’re like most of Andy and Terry's readers, you're probably wondering who delivers the mail to their treehouse? Well, it's me, Bill, Bill the Postman.
Pleased to meet you. I love delivering the mail.
Nobody enjoys their work more than I do.
But I've got to tell you, a postal worker's life is not always an easy one.
For instance, we get chased by dogs, attacked by birds...Magpies?
Spat at by Camels.
And once when all I was delivering a package to the treehouse, I was almost crushed by a falling television. "Sorry, Bill."
But by far the most serious danger faced by honest, hardworking posties like me is the ever present threat of being ambushed by the Birthday Card Bandits.
"Wanted, any information leading to the arrest of the Birthday Card Bandits.
The Birthday Card Bandits are a gang of criminals feared by postal workers throughout the land.
The bandits are ruthless. By night, they dig holes in the ground,
Cover them with sticks and leaves,” "Ha ha, he he, ho ho," and then wait for poor innocent posties like me to fall into them.
Once they've caught enough postal workers, they take their uniforms.
You'll never get away with this. Says the Postman. "He he, ho ho, ha ha."
You're stretching my pants. And dress up in them so they look exactly like real postal workers.
This allows them to get their fiendish hands on sacks of mail.
Which they go through to find any birthday cards. Then they steal all the money that kind grandparents have sent to their grandchildren for their birthdays.
1, 2, 3, 4 look he’s counting all the money, look at the cash he’s got.
And if that's not bad enough, they then write back to the grandparents pretending to be the grandchildren and they ask the grandparents to send more money to replace the money that was stolen.
"Oh, dear, my poor grandchild." “
"Oh, dear, my poor grandchildren." Says the nana.
“And when the grandparents do send more money... There she is.
The Birthday Card Bandits intercept those letters and steal that money as well!
"Those fiends,". "Those fiendish fiends," I say.
Terry and Andy are right. The Birthday Card Bandits are fiendish fiends, but stealing children's birthday money is not even the worst thing they do.
You see, sometimes they intercept the children's birthday party invitations as well.
"Hey, it looks like we're going to a party, lads. I hope there's cake. Ho ho, he he, ha ha."
Then they go around to the houses where the birthday parties are being held.
"Ha ha, ho ho, he he,"
And steal the balloons right off the front gate.
But that's not all. They steal the children's party hats right off their heads.
And then they steal the party blowers right out of their mouths.
"Ha ha, ho ho, he he."
Then they steal their presents.
And sometimes they even steal the birthday boy or girl's birthday wish by blowing out the candles on the birthday cake before the child even has a chance to do it.
"Those fiendish fiends"
They are first class fiends, that's for sure.
And I speak from personal experience because I too was once captured by the Birthday Card Bandits.
They stole my uniform, tied me up, and left me for dead.
Fortunately, I managed to untie myself and call the Police.
The bandits made a run for it and got away, all except one, who made the fatal error of hiding in the treehouse's maze of doom.
"Stop, you fiendish fiend. This is the police. You'll never get away."
"Ha ha, ho, ho, he he! They'll never find me in here."
Now, as everybody knows, the maze of doom is the most complicated maze in the entire world.
Unsurprisingly, the bandit became hopelessly lost and eventually perished.
Well, you can imagine how upset Andy, Jill, and Terry were one day when, lost in the maze themselves, they came upon the bandit skeletons and because of the cap thought it was me.
You can also imagine how surprised Andy and Terry were the next time I turned up at the treehouse to deliver their mail.
They thought I was a… brain eating zombie.
"Go away, you brain eating zombie."
Well, I'm not a brain eating zombie. I'm a post man, Bill. It's me.
It was quite amusing really, though I shouldn't laugh because poor Andy and Terry were really quite terrified.
I've got a letter for you. Come down.
It took a little while, but I eventually managed to convince them that I wasn't dead, and they came downstairs, and I was able to successfully complete my delivery.
Come thunder, lightning, rain, or hail, I will never fail to deliver the mail.
Note, or be mistaken for a brain eating zombie.
So like I said, the life of a postal worker is not always easy, but it's never dull.
Anyway, that's quite enough gas bagging from me. I'd better get on with it.
The mail won't deliver itself, you know?
Thanks for reading this everyone and goodbye.
"Goodbye Bill, and be careful." "Woof:
“Shhh, here he comes. Ha ha, ho ho, he he."
And then there’s fun pages.
There is fun pages!
Well I hope you enjoyed our book. This was Coles Little Treehouse. And this was Bill the Postman and the Birthday Card Bandits.
[the Treehouse door bangs shut]
[Tree rustling noise and wind whooshing]